Attachment and Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

EFCT was started by a clinician named Sue Johnson. Couples counseling owes Johnson, as well as her predecessor, John Bowlby, a great debt for the contributions they have made to the field.

Johnson’s work is based around something called “attachment theory.” According to Bowlby’s work on attachment, each partner has a specific way of communicating with loved ones in their lives that echoes the interactional patterns said partner developed in communicating with their caretakers at a young age.

Attachment is primarily developed in the first two years of life, when children are most absorptive, learning how they will relate to other human beings throughout the lifespan.

Some children become anxiously attached, meaning they seek affection readily and are nervous when it is not present. Others are avoidantly attached, meaning they remain cool and aloof around their caretakers. Yet others are disorganized in their attachment, meaning that they may display both types of attachment at different times, with little predictability. Secure attachment takes place when a baby is attended to properly, resulting in both the drive to seek affection, as well as the confidence that it will be provided even if the caretaker is momentarily absent.

But what all attachment styles have in common, is that they are a means to obtain closeness. Avoidantly attached children learn that their caretakers are happier with them when they appear detached. Anxiously attached children learn their caretakers may become uncomfortable if they do not continually check in with them. Disorganizedly attached children have learned that their caretakers react differently to them, seemingly at random, and respond in turn.

So where does Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy come in? In EFCT, the therapist helps guide both partners into an understanding of their attachment styles, and helps both parties to communicate their needs in these terms. “Joey,” says one partner, “I feel scared when I’m not able to reach you on the phone, because in my childhood, my parents constantly reassured me. I feel nervous when that reassurance isn’t there.”

By learning about each partner’s attachment styles, couples are able to develop empathy and understanding for their differences, and even can learn to adapt to help their partner feel safer.

Finally, attachment is not fixed. Life experience, therapy, and new relationships all have the power to alter our attachment styles, and in EFCT we will work to express your attachment needs, while also learning how to feel safer with your partner, so that secure attachment might be met.

EFCT is a powerful approach that honors both each partner’s life history and current situation, while also working to adapt one’s attachment so both of you can feel closer to your partner.